So, I'm supposed to be studying for my final (literally) exam of my college career in Physiological Psychology. I'm filling my brain with the details of schizophrenia, cataplexy, Tonic-clonic seizures, and others; but I find myself distracted by Miley Cyrus, the drama of a junior high girl, and mostly finding a dwelling for my precious fiance and myself. Well, he's finding that dwelling. My lack of trust is taking over more than I've been praying it would.
We visited this sweet little apartment that seemed just perfect for our needs. After we got through it and wanted to sign the papers the landlord informed us that not 20 minutes before we arrived a couple had called and wanted to bring a deposit the next day but needed to get some loose ends tied up with their current apartment and lease. Why in the world did you even show it to us!!! - I wanted to scream! She left it open that if they didn't bring the deposit in a reasonable amount of time the very next day we could have it. We fought discouragement so hard the rest of the evening. Our faith was tested. Our weeks between now and married life are dwindling (I can't wait!) and we still don't have a place to call our own yet.
We've been wondering why God would allow it to work out this way, why He even allowed us to see this place if He was only going to take it away. That's really not for us to know. But I have to say, Tim continues to amaze me. It would have been so easy to blame God last night, or to get our hopes up and think that this couple wasn't going to take it after all. Instead, we prayed and poured out our hopes and our sins to our Father. He reminded me throughout the evening not to dwell on "could haves." He challenged me to no think that good theology would be rewarded - in other words, if I trust God and give this over to Him He's going to reward us for that by giving us the apartment. He also reminded me that we might not get something better. Just because God kept this apartment from us (and it was for a reason) that doesn't mean that there's some bigger, more beautiful, more perfect apartment out there for us. All we're promised is that He will provide... and He always does. There was a reason He put this apartment within our grasp for a moment and then took it away. Maybe it was just to build our character. Philippians 4 says that He works all things together for our good. That good is being conformed to the image of His Son. I hope we don't waste this opportunity of learning to be more like Christ by wallowing in our self-pity.
If nothing else, I have learned the power and security of "together." Tim and I are in this together. I'm so glad that for these moments in time I have another human soul to share the challenges of this life with. God is more than enough, but Tim is that super special blessing that I hold loosely and reverently. He's my most precious friend and it truly is us against the world.
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